Have you tried business coaching or life coaching? Have you been frustrated at times through the coaching process? This can be quite normal and often indicates you are uneasy at the issues being brought up. You may genuinely not be able to articulate an answer, or you may find you’re blocking issues from being addressed. We look into why you want to ideally power through that frustration, and we also talk about the Disney Strategy and how you could use it to self-coach yourself. This falls under our thought leadership pillar.
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Listen to Season 2 Episode 10 of the FAQ Business Podcast
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Season 2 Episode 10 FAQ Business Podcast transcript | Coaching – push through frustration to get results
00:01 Have you ever undertaken coaching?
Have you ever undertaken coaching in your business or your personal life? Coaching can be a fantastic tool to push through and help you to identify your choices and make decisions for your future. However, sometimes when we’re getting coached, or even in this case, self-coaching, we can get frustrated. Today I want to look at why we get frustrated, and how we need to push through those barriers.
00:31 Welcome to today’s episode of the FAQ Business Podcast
Welcome to the FAQ Business Podcast for business owners, covering four pillars actionable education, inspiring leaders, businesses like you, and thought leadership where we challenge your thinking. Hosted by myself, Jane Tweedy. I’m founder and lead trainer of FAQ Business Training. Where we want to avoid you getting ripped off or ripping yourself off. We’ll feature an amazing diversity of guests with lots to educate and inspire you. Let’s jump into today’s episode of the FAQ Business Podcast.
01:08 Today’s episode features Jane Tweedy
Welcome to season two, episode ten of the FAQ Business Podcast. I’m your host Jane Tweedy. Here again solo. Okay. It’s been a busy, crazy time. Just much easier to get this done quickly with me. We have guests coming soon. I do promise.
01:23 Learning techniques to self-coach
When we are working with a coach we can trust, we can get really great results. Today’s session came out of a training that I did last week and in that training I encourage people to learn a couple of techniques that they could use to self-coach. I really like the idea that people are empowered to make their own decisions, which is what coaching is all about. But also that the coachee does not have to rely on the coach to be there, to uncover those decisions.
01:52 Introducing the ‘Disney Strategy’
So in this session I really want to go through something that came out of the session the other day, where I utilised a technique called the Disney Strategy. And the Disney Strategy is normally used by a coach, obviously, but in this case we are using it for the client to self-coach. Although it was kind of a combo thing obviously, because I was showing the room what to do, which meant I obviously was being the coach position. But it can certainly be used both as a coach strategy and for coachees. Now I’m going to talk about that a little bit later.
02:24 Firstly understanding what coaching is
The first thing with coaching is to understand what coaching actually is. Too many people go to ask for a business coach, and then they say things like I want someone that’s got experience in my industry.
The thing is with coaching, it actually isn’t industry specific. It is completely agnostic. Because it’s about uncovering from you, things about you and it’s getting the best out of you. It’s about extracting things from you. So it’s got nothing to do with what the other party brings to the table, in a mentoring or advisory capacity.
02:54 Refer to s1 ep5 – Do you need a business coach?
So if you are confused about what a coach does, then back on season one, episode five, we did go through do you need a business coach? And we did look at the differences between coaches, advisors, trainers, etc.
03:06 Some coaches can switch between advisor and coach
In some cases, with people like myself, you’ll get a person that can switch between the different categories. So I can switch from advisor mode to give you information on things you don’t know, through to coach mode, extracting what you already know, through to training mode where I’m actually helping you implement something and teaching you something brand new. Now, some people won’t do it like that. They’ll be very much I’m a true coach and that’s all I’ll do and that is fine.
03:34 It’s most important to work with someone you trust
Honestly. The key thing though is to work with people that you trust, especially including a coach. Because a coach often is going deep, is going into your brain, and trying to really extract from you what you already know, but you may be afraid of.
I like to teach people to learn to self-coach through problems, so that they don’t become dependent on me as their coach, and don’t rely on me being there to answer their questions. They learn how to manage it themselves, which is a really good thing.
04:05 Frustration when coaching and client is trying to avoid answering
Something that comes up a lot though when we are coaching is a frustration point. A point where the person goes, ‘I don’t know the answer to that’. The reality is, often they do know the answer to the question, but they are trying to avoid the answer. They don’t want the answer to come out. They want to keep it kind of secret, because there’s a reason for that.
They’re offering some sort of protectionism. Maybe there’s something they just don’t want to face yet. There’s a whole bunch of reasons why they might not want to push through that frustration.
04:40 The why question can sometimes lead to defensiveness
Sometimes it comes down to things like not asking, either yourself if you’re self-coaching, or as a coach asking a coachee, taking away the why questions. The why questions can lead to someone being defensive. Why did you do that? It’s making it sound like, well, why don’t you choose that over that?
Whereas it’s not meant to be that, it’s meant to just find out motivation. So it’s asked innocently, but it can put someone on the defensive. So sometimes it’s a good place to move away from a why question. Rephrase the question into something that won’t get the person on defence. Sometimes you may not be ready to deal with a problem. Let’s face it, there are times like that.
05:20 Sometimes best to try rephrasing so there’s no blame
However, a lot of the time it is a case of pushing through. Rephrasing that question, trying it again. Trying in a slightly different angle. Making sure it’s not sounding like there’s a blame involved, and getting the person to open up, including sometimes yourself.
Now the strategy that I used the other day that I was teaching to a room of people, and it was part of a conversation about renewing energy for 2022. Because let’s face it, in Australia, particularly in New South Wales, we’ve had a really rough time in the last two years. We had drought, then we had flood. This was back in 2019/2020.
05:57 People are feeling fragile, very stressed and exhausted
Then we had Covid and lockdowns and homeschooling and all that fun stuff. And then again this year we’ve had, well in between some people had mouse plagues and all sorts of weird and wonderful things. And then this year again, we got floods. So a lot of people are feeling very, very fragile. Very exhausted. Very stressed, because the uncertainty and just the, oh my gosh, what is coming next, is just scaring so many people.
06:25 Helping people work out their priorities
So this event was to sort of refresh and renew people. And I thought a good thing to do for some people was to prioritise what they learned over the course of the month because it has been in New South Wales Small Business Month. A lot of people have been to a lot of events, and I thought I just wanted to help people to work out which things are the things to focus on.
06:44 Teaching a variation of the Disney Strategy to self-coach
So one of the strategies I taught people was to use the Disney Strategy to self-coach. So, the Disney Strategy is obviously normally used by a coach, but I’m teaching a slight variation of it to make it work for someone to effectively do to themselves.
So what the Disney Strategy involves and obviously the name Disney does come from Walt Disney. It was a strategy that they used at the Walt Disney Corporation, hence why it’s called the Disney Strategy.
07:09 It is looking at a situation from three perspectives – Dreamer, Critic and Realist
Basically, what it suggests doing is looking at a situation from three perspectives. The three perspectives are the Dreamer, the one with all the ideas that nothing is a problem. The Critic, where everything is a problem, everything is an opportunity to go wrong. And the Realist, which is obviously the one kind of coming in between the two, and bringing in the Dreamer’s amazing dream, the Critic’s scariness, and trying to put the two together to create a reality.
07:44 I was looking for a volunteer
So that is what we are looking at in the Disney strategy. I asked for an audience volunteer. And I specifically wanted someone that was having an issue with prioritising things. And in this particular case, her situation was that, for instance, on the day she had been to an event which she had scheduled to go to in the morning, and then instead in the afternoon of going back to work and doing a whole bunch of work that she really needed to do (she’d been up till 03:00 a.m. the night before, by the way, doing work).
08:13 She realised she was procrastilearning
She decided to come to an event that happened to be on next door. You look at that and go, okay, this could possibly be a case of procrastilearning, which was what she called it after hearing from me what procrastilearning actually was.
So procrastilearning is where we use learning as an excuse to procrastinate. Because let’s face it, when you learn something, you’re doing something good, and therefore it can’t possibly be procrastinating. It’s not mucking around watching a Netflix programme. It’s not mucking around playing a game. It’s learning something. It’s important.
08:51 We set up three chairs Dreamer chair, Critic chair and the Realist chair
But if we’re doing it to avoid something else, that is what we call procrastilearning. So what we do is we put her in the hot seats. So with the Disney Strategy, there’s sort of three ways you can do this. The first way is that you actually set up three chairs. So you go and sit in the Dreamer chair when you want to be the Dreamer, the Critic, and then the Realist, and you go through them in turn.
And the key thing is that while the Dreamer is speaking, the Critic and the Realist have to shut up. Okay? So when we’re doing it in our own little heads, we need to be clear that the Dreamer, when you’re in the Dreamer seat, has the right to talk. Same with the Critic, same with the Realist. So that each person has the opportunity, or each voice has the opportunity to say what they need to say.
09:36 Or you could write down on three pieces of paper
And it can either be in the separate chairs. Another alternative is to write down on pieces of paper – Dreamer, Critic, Realist. And each time you go through, you pick up the Dreamer one, hold the Dreamer one. And while you’re holding the Dreamer piece of paper, you are the Dreamer.
09:51 Another alternative is to use a token to speak
Put that down, pick up the Critic one, then you’ll be the Critic. Okay, so that’s the other one. The third alternative is that you use some sort of token. So rather than writing something down, for instance, for the Dreamer, you might have a little cloud pillow or something representing the dreams. You might have, I don’t know, something that represents a Critic.
Maybe it’s a wooden spoon, I don’t know. But you pick a token for each one. While you’re holding the token. That is where you cannot talk if you’re one of the others, you just have to let that voice talk. So that is what we did.
10:23 So the Dreamer learned a lot coming to these events
So basically, we went through and said, okay, so what does the Dreamer have to say about this topic? So the Dreamer said, I learned a lot. I come to these events, and I know I’m going to learn something. Blah, blah, blah. Okay.
10:34 The Critic had lots of guilt because she had way more important things to do
When she sat in the Critic’s chair, she really emphasised the fact, and you could see a definite guilt thing coming in here. She had way more important things to do. That’s when she also fessed up that she’d been up till 03:00am the night before. So she was clearly emphasising she had a lot to do.
10:51 The Realist agreed with the Critic – but the Dreamer was important too
She really didn’t have the time to be in the event she hadn’t planned for. The Realist, basically completely agreed with the Critic. Really didn’t take on board the Dreamer that much. I’m like, okay, no you’ve got to dig deeper, because the Dreamer, she has something to say. Otherwise, if the Realist thought the Critic was there [right], you would literally be at work.
11:12 The Dreamer did actually grow her business from these events
So she went back to the Dreamer seat. And she said that when she goes to these events that she really has grown her business.
She talked about the fact that she had hired staff and things, and she really felt that a component of that was because she had learned so much at these type of events. So obviously then that was potentially going to lead to a fear of missing out. But she really felt that had really helped contribute to her business.
11:38 But now she was more frustrated
And then when she moved into the Critic’s seat, she really again emphasised the too much to do. But this time when she went to the Realist seat, she was more frustrated.
11:46 Part of the Realist job is to come up with an action plan
She said, ‘I don’t know what to do’, because now the Dreamer voice had made valid points rather than just being a bit eerie fairy. So the Dreamer actually had good points and the Critic had good points. She’s like, well, how can I balance these? So I pushed her, because I was sort of thinking in my own head that it seemed pretty obvious that she could have come up with some sort of rule or limitation or something like that. So part of the job of the Realist is to come up with an action plan.
12:15 She could set limitations on trainings
So part of the action plan in this case could say: I do certain number of trainings over the course of a week, a year or whatever. And once she’s hit a limit, no, she cannot do anymore, because that’s taking away from work. So that would encourage a better discipline, all that sort of stuff. But ultimately that would have only been dealing with the symptom. It wasn’t actually dealing with the problem.
12:38 But she was frustrated as that wasn’t the real problem
So I pushed her further, and I said, you’re feeling frustrated now, there’s a reason you’re feeling frustrated. Because you haven’t actually got to the root of the problem. So I said, push you a little bit further. And then she’s like ahh, and you could just see this little spark went off. And you knew that she knew what the answer was. And I said to it, right, you know the answer, what is it?
13:00 Then she realised she had issues delegating to staff
And it turned out, that she had recently hired some staff, and she was having massive issues with delegating. So really her problem was not about whether to attend an event or not. Her problem was that she needed to learn how to delegate, and she was avoiding the issue of delegating, because she’s at this event, she doesn’t have to deal with the delegation issue. So that was actually why she was there. So there was an actual problem that really didn’t have a lot to do with why she was at the event, but certainly had a lot to do with why she was avoiding her work.
13:39 Now she needs to address why delegating is tough
So that is why you go, okay, well, now we know the real problem. So we can still deal with the symptom and set some restrictions about how many courses she can do and stuff like that. But now it became okay, you need to learn how to delegate. You need to address what’s going on for you there. Is it because you’re a perfectionist and don’t trust people?
14:01 Suggested listening to our podcast – is hiring a help or hindrance?
Is it because you’ve been burned in the past? You really need to then investigate what the issue was with delegating. So I suggested as a start to listen to my podcast, does hiring an employee help or hinder you? Because part of it might have also been an expectation that she bought a person on and suddenly everything is fixed. Unfortunately, that’s not the way it works.
And we are often a massive block in that part of the process. So I suggested she listen to that, but she also obviously needs to learn how to delegate, and how to give up that control in some areas, to make sure that she’s making the most of having staff on board.
14:41 Need to push through the frustration to get to the deeper issue
Now the thing is with this finding this deeper answer to the question and finding that real reason why she was procrastilearning, because ultimately that’s exactly what she was doing. It literally was an extra 30 seconds and an additional question or two from her point of feeling extremely frustrated.
So the key thing we need to understand, is sometimes we absolutely need to push through that frustration. We need to challenge ourselves to face that fear, to face what’s going on and go why am I frustrated? And in her case, it really helped her to uncover the truth. And she felt, in some respects a sense of relief that, oh my gosh, I know why I’m doing this now. But now obviously she has another issue to deal with.
15:29 Rephrase the question rather than the same way over and over
But I know from me in the past, I had one coach with me, and she asked me the same question like five times. She didn’t rephrase it. She just kept pushing through. Now asking it again, sure, that might have been okay. But asking it in the same way five times, all it did was make me angry. Because clearly I was either not able to identify the answer to the question she was asking me, or I was blocking it, but I was not ready to tell the world about it. Okay?
16:01 Sometimes we aren’t ready to deal with the problem only the symptom
So you’ve got to understand that sometimes we aren’t ready. Sometimes it can be a deeper issue, and sometimes we do need to go we’re not ready yet. Let’s deal with some of the symptoms and come up with some solution in the meantime and an action plan for the symptom. Later on we can come back and deal with the actual problem. Maybe when we’re ready to face it.
16:23 In some cases we need to find additional help to deal with the problem
I see this time and time again. I’ve got a client I’m dealing with at the moment that suffers from anxiety. And she’s got this in her head that if she resolved this issue about lead generation, her anxiety is just going to miraculously go away. I’m like, no it’s not, that’s just going to deal with that particular way that the anxiety is manifesting, it’s not going to deal with the anxiety overall. So I did, in that case, encourage you to go see a counsellor or a psychologist, because we are not, as coaches, capable of dealing with those additional mental health layers.
We can certainly read the signs and see there’s a sign there, but we can’t deal with it. We’re not that you know. So you need to know in your business and with the people that you’re dealing with, where are their lines? Like there is a border where they shouldn’t be crossing it. They should be passing you over to a professional. And that’s certainly what we do in that case.
17:18 Sometimes we need to push through frustration to uncover the truth
So to summarise what we’ve covered today in this podcast. Sometimes we absolutely have to face our frustration and we need to push through to uncover the truth. So sometimes we need to make ourselves feel uncomfortable.
17:34 Seek the resources of a good coach or learn some self-coaching
With coaching obviously, you can go and seek the resources of a capable coach or you can learn to do some self-coaching, which personally I think is a good idea because it stops you from being completely reliant on somebody else, which I think is never a good idea. We don’t want you to build dependency up to anybody else. Because if they’re not there, then you get stuck. I don’t want you to be stuck. I want you to move through.
18:00 Issues might be deeper and take time to get to the problem
Sometimes the issues can be deeper than we first think, and sometimes we may need to take time to get to the truth of the problem. And in that case, it’s okay to deal with the symptoms. But really do try and dig a little bit deeper first. Rephrase the question, though, maybe get away from a why question so that you feel less defensive, and that can help you just push through.
18:21 A good coach should be helping you to empower yourself
And you can reach out and seek the help of coaches. If you are doing that, though, I really do suggest that you work with someone that’s going to work with you on a shorter-term basis. Not try and lock you in for a year. Because at the end of the day, like I said, a good coach should be giving you the tools and the power to empower yourself. They should not be getting you to rely on them completely.
18:46 Keep coming back to learn something new
Now, sure, if there’s plenty more things for you to learn, and particularly with somebody like me, where I’m an advisor, coach and trainer, there is probably something new you can come to me with the next week. Which is fine. But don’t get to a situation where you are literally going to the same person for the same thing for many years because that is unhealthy.
19:05 Thanks for listening today
Thanks for listening in today to season two, episode ten of the FAQ Business Podcast. We look forward to having you listen in again soon. Catch you later. Bye bye.
19:20 Please leave us a comment
Thank you for listening to today’s episode of the FAQ Business Podcast, available on all good podcast services. You can subscribe today via FAQBusinessPodcast.com.au or directly on Apple iTunes, iHeartRadio or Spotify. Subscribe. Follow. Share and where able, review our podcast or leave us a comment on either YouTube or our blog page. Thanks for helping us to help you – the small to medium businesses who are growing and want to make a difference. Look forward to connecting with you again on the next episode of the FAQ Business Podcast.
Today’s podcast episode featured our host Jane Tweedy. Her details are as follows:
Jane is a Professional Certified Coach with International Coaching Federation (PCC with ICF), business advisor and trainer. She loves working with growing small to medium business owners who are doing the right thing, to help them do it right! Currently, Jane offers at least 50 live sessions a year to train small business owners.
Jane offers a variety of services to clients and her online school and membership was launched in late 2021. Jane’s focus for 2022 is building the membership and offering implementable small group training – something she finds is often the missing link.
If you are interested in training, speaking, or anything else Jane has to offer, please connect via email@example.com or via the contact forms on our websites.
faqbusinesstraining.com.au – our main site with a great blog
faqbusinesstraining.com – our new online school and membership site
faqbusinesspodcast.com.au – our podcast site
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